Veterans preach importance of communication, seeking help, in wake of Van De Water’s death
Poughkeepsie Journal
Kyle Van De Water’s death spread a veil of grief over veterans throughout the Hudson Valley this week.
It also gave them an opportunity to let each other know that they are not alone in their struggles, and they are there to help.
Van De Water, a 41-year-old Army veteran, was found in Poughkeepsie Rural Cemetery on Tuesday from what appeared to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The native of northern Dutchess County and former congressional candidate is being remembered as a family man, who was looked up to in his community and assisted others through his work as an attorney.
“His death comes as quite a shock to many members of our veteran community here in Dutchess County, because he was one of the veterans we thought had it all together,” Tom Zurhellen said.
Zurhellen, who served in the Navy and works as a professor at Marist College, is a prominent advocate for veterans. He walked across the U.S. in 2019 to raise awareness of homelessness and suicides affecting veterans, and started VetZero, an initiative to address both issues.
Van De Water served in the Army for eight years, including spending time in Afghanistan. His death comes days after the U.S. officially withdrew from the country, ending a 20-year war. The evacuation has been marked by controversy and tragedy, including an Aug. 26 suicide bombing that took the lives of 13 American service members and more than 160 Afghans.
Zurhellen knew Van De Water, who ran unsuccessfully against Antonio Delgado for the 19th Congressional seat last year. Like others who spoke about him with the Journal, Zurhellen said he had not seen outward signs of his inner struggles.
“Obviously this is a horrible tragedy, but if there’s one good thing to come of it, it’s education,” Zurhellen said. “That even veterans like Kyle, who do not look like they’re struggling at all, can be struggling on the inside. We need to look at all vets as if they need that support.”
According to the Department of Veterans Affairs’ 2020 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report, 17.6 veterans each day took their own lives in 2018, a number that was roughly flat with the previous year.
Suicide has been increasing in the military over the past three years. In 2018, 326 active-duty troops died by suicide. That number increased to 350 in 2019 and 385 in 2020, according to Pentagon figures.
Van De Water’s death, which came less than two weeks after he abruptly ended a second prospective congressional run, has not been confirmed a suicide. But, it is helping to shine a light on the difficulties facing veterans.
Isolation, including that of the pandemic has been a major challenge, said Adam Roche, Dutchess County’s veterans services director.
“A lot of our veterans kind of stick to themselves, and with COVID going on, we’re finding isolation to be a major problem for our veterans,” he said. “The last 18 months has been horrible.”
The best solution? Veterans talking to veterans, Zurhellen said.
“Just get that conversation going,” he said. “It’s such a lifesaver.”
PTSD and invisible demons
Post-traumatic stress disorder can leave veterans struggling with “demons” because of their experiences in the military, Zurhellen said.
“Kyle’s death reminds us that often PTSD is an invisible issue with our veterans,” he said. “And it happens time and again. We think of the veterans who are struggling on the outside who need help, but it’s really the veterans who are struggling on the inside, who are just getting by day by day, putting on that brave face, that we really need to worry about.
“On the surface, he seemed like he was the one helping other veterans, and he was, of course, but on the inside, the parts you can’t see, he was putting on that brave face,” Zurhellen said. “Even heroes like Kyle struggle, and we need to remember that. It’s not just the people who are struggling on the outside that really need help.”
Many veterans could be dealing with PTSD and mental health issues, which can fly under the radar from their loved ones, in part, because veterans can be reluctant to ask for help, Zurhellen said.
“I think we need to assume that all veterans coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan…are in need of this support, and not take any chances,” he said.
Those struggles can start in combat and cling to veterans when they return home, said Roche, who served as an infantry machine gunner with the Marines when they entered Iraq.
“I’ve seen a lot, I did a lot,” he said. “And like a lot of others, I brought back the scars of war with me.”
Dealing with those scars is not made any easier for veterans by the pressures back home to find a job, pay for housing, start a family and move ahead with the next steps of their lives, Zurhellen said, who noted the challenge of transitioning to civilian life.
“There’s no one issue facing our veterans,” he said. “So when you’re talking about mental health, you’re talking about homelessness, you’re talking about financial matters, you’re talking about substance abuse, primarily prescription drug abuse. So all these things are related. I’ve never met a veteran who was experiencing only one problem.”
Veterans to veterans
From Veterans of Foreign Wars and American Legion posts to county programs and events, there are ways for veterans to connect and communicate on a level that people outside those circles don’t understand.
“Veterans speak a different language than most folks and veterans know this,” said Zurhellen, who is involved with the VFW Post 170 in Poughkeepsie. “So, that’s why it used to be places like the VFW and American Legion were so important to our World War II veterans, our Vietnam veterans, because it was a safe space where veterans can just talk to veterans.”
Glenn Tanzman, commander of the Arlington American Legion Post 1302, said “often vets don’t want to talk to people who haven’t been there.”
“Sometimes that’s really important, just having a place where you feel you belong, where you can come down and talk about anything,” said Tanzman, who served in Vietnam with the Army.
Ross Hartlip, commander of the Pleasant Valley-Millbrook American Legion Post 739, said organizations like the American Legion and VFW can be beneficial because they connect veterans of various ages who have shared similar experiences through their lives.
“We haven’t seen the exact circumstances but we’ve all been in similar circumstances and we know what people have gone through,” said Hartlip, an Air Force vete.
Younger veterans have not been as active seeking out that camaraderie, Hartlip said, but he added, “We’re here to welcome veterans of any era.”
There are options, though, for the new generation of veterans, including those like Van De Water who served in Afghanistan, to seek that camaraderie, Zurhellen said.
How to help
Zurhellen has been helping veterans for years through VetZero, where “we just try to raise awareness and get those veterans contacted to the right people,” he said. More information on that project is available at Hudson River Housing’s website, hudsonriverhousing.org, where people can make donations and where veterans who have been homeless can seek help. The program’s phone number is 845-891-6034.
Mental Health America of Dutchess County includes the Vet2Vet program, whose services include support groups, help finding housing and employment and advocacy for benefits. The program can be reached at 845-473-2500.
“It’s kind of amazing,” said Roche, who worked for the Vet2Vet program before taking his county position and spoke about his experience with that team. “We held our groups and for the first two months some of the vets show up and they don’t say anything. We’re telling them about the services that we have, and then after that it’s like you just see something click and they start talking and they talk about their experiences.
“The Vietnam vets are talking to the younger veterans that are getting out right now. ‘This is what I dealt with, this is how I dealt with it.’ Things like that. It’s all about shared experiences. That’s the importance of a veteran talking with another vet.”
The Dutchess Division of Veterans Services can be reached at 845-486-2060.
Roche also mentioned the Dutchess County help line, staffed with mental health professionals 24 hours a day, at 845-485-9700, which works with the county Stabilization Center in Poughkeepsie, where various types of help is offered to people in need.
There are also services available at the Veterans Affairs campuses at Castle Point in Wappinger, and at Montrose, where there are in-patient services available. Castle Point can be reached at 845-831-2000 and Montrose at 914-737-4400.
It can take time for veterans to find professionals they can lean on — “it took me four psychiatrists until I personally felt comfortable,” Roche said — but getting the information about resources to them is one of the biggest hurdles to helping them.
“Everyone knows a veteran,” Roche said. “Pass the information on to them.”
Matt Spillane covers breaking news throughout the Hudson Valley. Click here for his latest stories. Follow him on Twitter @MattSpillane.
